It is not as if it has already happened or it is going to happen. I don't know. I'm not sure. I couldn't be sure. I don't know what to feel, what to think, what to expect. All I know is I couldn't stop thinking about it. I couldn't imagine how my life would be or go on if it really happens. I tried to, but I couldn't. Nothing comes to my mind. It is filled with blankness, emptiness.......
It is as if a part of me will be missing. Part of my life. Losing my motivation, inspiration, enthusiasm, determination, faith, force, spirit.... Nothing to look forward to. Nothing to keep me going. Nothing to wake me from the dead.
Been feeling so down since I watched the video. It is really an amazing and awesome video but it also brings out so much emotions. Emotions that I don't feel good about. Emotions that will pull me down if it prolongs. That could kill. I just wish these emotions are mind games. Unreal.
Nein. Why am I poisoning my mind with such thoughts? It will not happen! Will it? Please. Don't. I just found my track. I don't want to be lost in oblivion again. In a limbo. I still am but I have a direction now. At least not twirling around.
Why am I so affected by this? It is not as if they are tangible. It is not as if I really know them. It is not as if they know about my existence, my feelings. It is not as if.... No... I am deeply affected. Them breaking apart will put a deep cut on my flesh. My heart.
These thoughts brought tears to my eyes. I know I shouldn't be even be thinking about something that I am not even sure of. These ludicrous assumptions. But, I just couldn't help it. The thoughts wouldn't leave me. It haunts me. I am just afraid. Worried. Anxious.
I hope whatever that has been playing in mind will not come true. I have fallen so deep. There is no turning back. No way to climb back up. I need you. We need you. We love you so much. Don't ever *.
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